Today was a pretty decent day. That is, I only cried once, and I didn't have any episodes of total devastation. It's been four months, almost to the day, since my 2nd D&C following the hellish two weeks of blood tests and ultrasounds. I really felt like I grieved more efficiently and healed more completely after the first miscarriage + D&C...this time, I am still having those Bad Days (you know the stock phrase when people ask how you are doing: "Oh, there are good days and bad days") and they just don't seem to be going away. Having the two miscarriages back-to-back (three months apart exactly) really took its toll on my ability to be resilient.
But it's the first half of my cycle, and these two weeks are always better than the second two; in spite of everything, I'm still miraculously able to have hope that this will be the cycle where I'll conceive and have a normal pregnancy. The second two weeks will predictably be filled with anxiety and counting down the days until I can do the hpt...these two weeks are my respite.
And that Riesling with dinner tonight--that was really great.
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