It Was Inevitable

One of my best friends from college is having a baby in June and her baby shower is in three weeks. I've gone back and forth about whether or not I should attend. On one hand, I fear a Charlotte-like scene from that Sex and the City episode where she breaks down at her friend's baby shower. On the other hand, what is much more likely is I'll go, plaster on a smile, coo at the baby clothes and my friend's beautiful belly--and come home and cry for two days straight. She knows about the miscarriages; in fact, we got pregnant at the same time in September, she for the first time and I for the second, and had already made plans for our lives together as new mothers. So maybe I should just tell her the truth: that I can't do it. I don't need my grief and failure slapped in my face right now. I really, really, really don't want to be there. I hope she will understand.